


Here At the Beginning With You

by halotolerant



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Age Difference, Aliens Made Them Do It, Caretaking, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, M/M, Porn Battle, Tenderness, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 08:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halotolerant/pseuds/halotolerant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sometimes Jamie just liked to hear the Doctor talk, even when he didn’t quite know all the words. The rhythm of his speech was peculiarly soothing, and although when he joked and played he was fun, Jamie liked catching him in a serious mood. The Doctor didn’t trust many people with seriousness.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here At the Beginning With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kindkit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindkit/gifts).



> For the Porn Battle XV prompt: 'Second Doctor/Jamie, hands' and also filling my Trope Bingo square for 'Virgin Fic'. 
> 
> Dedicated to Kindkit, for telling me that Classic Who was a Thing I Should See and clueing me in on the Two/Jamie *g*

There was nothing very beautiful about Aljudin, and Jamie had seen enough different planets now to be some sort of judge.

Aljudin, according to Zoe, showed ‘a culture with typical post-nuclear conflict regression’. This meant, as far as Jamie could deduce, that people sold muddy vegetables to each other in tents built round shells of bombed-out buildings, that there was the technology for people to carry portable communicator things but that every second person you saw had raw, weeping skin sores and that, although a complex international treaty between Aljudin’s two largest continents was now, at long last, and mostly thanks to the Doctor, being signed, there was little to no law enforcement at street level.

Despite this last, Jamie had that evening left the TARDIS and climbed the hill that rose above the capital city. It was a dusty, ugly mount, capped with the statue of some leader long dead, but the panoramic view, even if only of scarred streets and rusting metal, fascinated him. He couldn’t remember seeing so large a city from above ever, though no doubt he’d walked through many a larger, sleeker one by now. 

He’d seen cities in space, even. But they were not real, quite. Not in the way this vast sprawl became when he looked down at it, visceral and stinking and believable because of those things. 

He shivered a little and rubbed roughly at his arms, strangely aware of his own thoughts. He had never been given to dwelling on things, but comparing himself now to himself... then, before, was almost ridiculous. Then, he had never heard of nuclear radiation, thought a hospital was somewhere for the insane and would never have dreamed of scorning a city for lacking sanitation.

And now – and he wasn’t sure how long it had been since meeting the Doctor, had never thought to count, but surely not even a year had passed? –And now those words and thoughts flew through his head easy as water flows downhill.

The Doctor had taken him by the hand and run with him past all the ideas and beliefs and assumptions he’d ever had. Had changed everything. And yet somehow Jamie felt more like himself than he’d ever done. And that was something he’d never thought about before, either. 

The Aljudeen had mouths in their necks and three genders and their skin was light purple; he’d been interested by all of that but scarcely surprised. Mostly, he’d been glad they didn’t actively want to kill him or his friends.

Then, back then, Jamie had never heard the word ‘robot’ or ‘cyber’ or ‘genetics’ or even ‘gravity’ although he’s learnt since that technically he could have done.

“One of the most intriguing things about humanity,” the Doctor had said to him once, as they lay on a beach on Rethgulon, apparently one of the Doctor’s favourites (which, when it came to beaches, was a hotly contested list), soaking up heat and the citrus scent of the local flowers, “is the way you all adapt to things. Not always well or kindly, I grant you, but your psychological resilience, your power to believe two contradictory and impossible things at once, if it is necessary to continue functioning, is quite extraordinary.”

Sometimes Jamie just liked to hear the Doctor talk, even when he didn’t quite know all the words. The rhythm of his speech was peculiarly soothing, and although when he joked and played he was fun, Jamie liked catching him in a serious mood. The Doctor didn’t trust many people with seriousness.

Today, right now, attending the peace treaty talks, the Doctor was probably throwing the whole kit and caboodle at them; singing, teasing, waggling his eyebrows, reflecting their own foolishness back at the delegates. Jamie smiled, thinking of it, and felt strange again.

He’d left his home, his time, his country, his very planet. And he’d found a sense of belonging he’d never had before. How was that possible? 

But then, how was plastic possible? He didn’t really understand that either, and grown completely used to it all the same. Dead monsters in the earth, and over time they became oil similar to what you’d render from a pig, and you could turn that into something hard and bright pink in the shape of knives and fork and have a picnic with them on the beach at Rethgulon...

The sun was setting over the horizon, bathing the city in muted red light; the sunsets here, with all the dust still in the air, could be spectacular, and that had been what he’d told Zoe he was going out for, to look at one last one before they left.

But tonight it was really just streaks and shades of red, like blood, like the way blood could go when someone died where they’d fallen.

Jamie sat down on the ground, pulling his knees up to his chin and hugging his arms around his legs. Back on Earth, back in his own time, his war had mattered so much to him. And now he knew it was such a small little corner of such a vast universe, and no matter who lived and died or what came of it, there was just... it was like trying to find one grain of sand on a beach. It wasn’t so much impossible as ridiculous.

And then there was the whole fact of war, of what the Doctor thought about war and those who waged it.

“I suppose we’re a little like pets, really,” Zoe had said, on the one occasion Jamie had tried raising the subject of why the Doctor chose to keep them around. “A cat or a dog, you know, like humans need.”

“You don’t think he’s human?”

She’d raised her eyebrow. “Do you?”

“Well, look Zoe, you’re human, but if I met you, of a sudden, in my time, I wouldn’t have been sure. He might be from even further forwards, or...”

A firm shake of the head; Zoe enjoyed definitive statements. “Impossible. I analysed his vital signs after he tried to help those acid centipedes; the physiology’s distinctly different. He has two hearts, for one thing.”

“Two?”

“Can’t you feel them? When he hugs you? I mean, sometimes I’ve noticed it, there’s a pulse on the left where you’d expect and then in the right hypochondrium too.”

“No, no, I can’t say I have...” Being hugged by the Doctor was an experience that made Jamie think of many things, and taking his pulse had never been one of them. 

And so he’d let the subject slip.

He didn’t forget Zoe’s words though. Had thought about them quite a bit since then. About pet dogs and how you patted their heads and stroked through their fur and talked sweetly to them, but laughed at them too, and pushed them out if and when you needed to, and mourned a little if they died and then happily got another one. 

“Aren’t you cold, Jamie?”

Jamie leapt to his feet; his legs had gone slightly numb from the position, and he stumbled, and soon the Doctor was at his side, steadying him. He looked tired - perhaps it was the fading light.

It was certainly getting much colder. And with the darkness the city became less safe. Jamie felt guilty - he should have gone back to the TARDIS earlier, not made the Doctor have to come looking for him.

Funny how much better he felt, with the Doctor beside him. As if all the things on his mind were still there, but far less important. 

“Zoe said you’d come to watch the sun,” the Doctor was saying, having drawn back now Jamie was steady. Jamie swayed a little back towards him but, oddly, the Doctor stepped away again, maintaining the distance as he kept speaking. “But since that’s been gone rather a while, I think you must have some other reason for wanting to be alone. I hope I haven’t interrupted you prematurely.”

“It’s alright, Doctor,” Jamie brushed the sand from his kilt. “I was just wool-gathering. How was the conference?”

The Doctor sighed, and then smiled a little to himself. “Oh Jamie, I’ve dealt with some governments in my time, but the Aljudeen factions are truly...” and he launched into a description of the day’s processes and problems, sketching the conversations in all their little stupidities. Despite his light tone, Jamie could see how weary he was of arguing. And something more seemed to be weighing on him, something that caught his words, every now and again. Jamie waited patiently, wondering if and when he’d come around to it. 

“You know, Jamie,” the Doctor said at length, after a small pause in his flow. He was frowning, and took a breath before speaking, as if the words required extra effort in their construction; Jamie tried to step closer again, puzzled. “Something that you and I have in common is that we talk a great deal, and don’t really like to say very much.”

Jamie thought about that for a moment. He wasn’t stupid, he was pretty sure. It was just hard to compete with people who had at least a couple of centuries of knowledge on him, and him having never gone to school anyway. But he didn’t like to speak up sometimes, in case he’d misunderstood.

“Now, Jamie, I’m afraid I have to ask you something rather serious.”

Jamie laughed. “Yes!”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Yes, whatever it is, I’ll do it, Doctor, you didn’t have to ask, even. You know I would.”

“Oh Jamie,” and the Doctor sighed and smiled, and took a step towards him. Jamie matched it, bringing them close. Jamie thought about the Doctor’s two hearts – did make the feeling when your heart felt like it was caught in your throat twice as bad? Jamie had that now, and thought he might be flushing and he could see – how odd, how very odd it felt to see it – that the Doctor’s cheeks were a little dark.

“You have to understand, I made every attempt to...” the Doctor trailed off, closed his eyes for a moment.

“It’s to do with the religious tradition of the Aljudeen. They’re very keen on quests, you know, enlightenment rituals and so on. Someone, well, a certain priest, whose name I am sick of shouting, decided today to call into the question the peace process, because I had had a hand in it.”

“You did the whole thing Doctor!”

“Well, thank you, but in any case, because I am involved, and not anointed in their religion, he questioned my suitability as a guide. The result of which is, I have to spend the better part of the rest of tonight completing, in a somewhat accelerated manner, a version of their spiritual journey, so that we can finally finish the treaty tomorrow.” The Doctor was fidgeting, taking his handkerchief from his pocket, refolding it into a bundle and putting it away again, picking at the loose threads on his coat. He was disturbed about something, and Jamie felt a twinge of fear.

“Spiritual journey? Will that not be a lot of murmuring and smelly things and candles? That’s not so bad, surely? But if you want me to help with... “

“I think, perhaps, we’d better sit down again.” The Doctor carefully lifted back the tails of his coat and settled on the ground. After a moment of confused blinking, Jamie slumped down next to him. The Doctor was not always the most direct person to engage in conversation, but he’d never been like this before. It was almost as if he were afraid.

_We like to talk a lot. But not to say things._

The Doctor avoided personal topics, it was true. And sometimes Jamie wished he knew more about him. And sometimes he felt it couldn’t possibly matter, that the way they understood each other was nothing to do with knowledge.

Now, the Doctor raised his hands to cover his face for a moment, breathed deeply again and then spoke, facing dead ahead, looking out at the dark city where only a few thin fires and candles winked the night. 

“Their idea of spirituality, Jamie, takes on a more... corporeal aspect, than the religions to which you have so far been exposed. In essence, that is to say...”

Jamie bit his lip. It really was getting cold. After hesitating a moment, he reached out his hand and rested it gently on the Doctor’s shoulder.

The Doctor took another, deep, almost shuddering breath. “That is to say, you see, that the subject – that being, here, myself – is required to be, um... taken through the experience of physical immersion, the intensity of the, um.... Not in public, you understand, but not alone either, um...”

Jamie leant in, resting his chin against his own hand on the Doctor’s shoulder, so close that they couldn’t see each other’s faces anymore. Perhaps that might make it easier. “Doctor, you’re going to have to tell me in words that mean something. But there’s nothing to be afraid of, at least not if I can help it. I promise that, do you understand?”

He was still so aware of his own heart and now – and for the first time – of the double tap of the Doctor’s pulse under his skin. The scent of the Doctor’s body, the unique half-spicy nameless smell that wasn’t like anyone else Jamie had met, the heat of him that was slightly too warm for a human.

You don’t get scared to talk to your dog, Jamie thought. 

But then, also, you shouldn’t be scared to talk to a friend.

“Doctor? Let me help you?”

“You might not want to, Jamie, when you hear about it. And I would understand if that was the case. You see, the long and the short of it is,” and the Doctor breathed again, needing more energy, it seemed, to climb this verbal mountain, “that someone needs to have, um, sexual congress with me.”

“Ah. I see.” Jamie didn’t move, felt the wash of shock, cold and hot and then shivering, electric thrills over his skin and stayed cleaved in by the Doctor’s side, just trying to breathe. “That’s not so bad, surely?”

“Well, ah, I have to say, I wouldn’t know.”

“You mean you’ve never? Not with anybody?”

The Doctor didn’t answer. Jamie could feel the air thicken with memories that weren’t about to be shared. He knew, was certain, somehow, that there was more than blank absence to this story.

“I know, Jamie, that in your own time, for males to congress with males was considered taboo and I absolutely understand if you...”

“I’ve known men.”

“And by ‘known’, I am to take you to mean..?”

Jamie did pull back, looked the Doctor in the eye. “Would you call it ‘congress’? Sounds a mite fancy for tumbling in a hay loft or out in the forest, getting pine needles all over, but call it that if you like. I’ve always... there weren’t girls. Just the men. Oh dear lord...” He felt dizziness creep over him, a sudden tingling of pins and needles in his fingers.

“Jamie?” The Doctor was much more himself in when he was able to be care-taker, and there was almost a sort of relief about him as he helped Jamie to lean forward and rubbed at his back. “Are you well?”

“Aye, I’ve just...” Jamie couldn’t help a strange, giggling laugh, he felt so very, very strange tonight.  “I’ve just never told anyone that, ever. I’ve spent so long trying not to say it. Like it was engraved on my tongue but no one could see... I’m babbling, I’m sorry.”

“You could have told me.” The Doctor sounded slightly hurt.

“Well, you could have told me.”

“I haven’t done anything!”

“Well, apparently, you’re going to. _We’re_ going to. Are we?” And Jamie looked up again, hardly daring to.

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders. He was trying to be relaxed, offhand, as he always was, but he hadn’t let go of his hold on Jamie’s shoulders; they were lying down together now, Jamie realised, under a sky of stars, like something from a ballad. The wrong stars and the wrong sort of people for a ballad, but it felt absolutely right. 

“If this planet goes back to the war, Jamie, it would...”

Jamie raised his hand and slowly, so slowly, traced the curve of the Doctor’s face. This, he’d never done. Never been slow, in all his ‘tumbles’ back on Earth. Never wanted someone in this way, in the way that made nothing more important than touching. 

Was this possible? Was this allowed? But what about plastic and gravity and girls wearing trousers and time travel and machines that tried to kill you? Did anything have to make sense, or did it all simply happen? 

“Doctor, if you asked me to do this for Aljudin, I would. I’d do anything you asked, Doctor, anything at all. But I’d rather...” it was so hard to speak, especially with the Doctor so close, and not stopping Jamie from continuing to stroke his face, his hair, the curve of his back. 

“I’m not supposed...” now the Doctor winced, but pushed his head forward rather than pulling away, burying his face in the curve of Jamie’s neck, seeking comfort. Jamie put both arms round him and sighed, and wondered when the floating feeling had started. “I’m not supposed to interfere, with the universe, you know, and stopping wars is... well, I can make a case for that, of course I can, any reasonable person could, and sometimes companions are necessary and I can’t stop people if they want to come along, can I? But you, with you, to want to...”

“Your people wouldn’t approve?” Jamie guessed. He’d tried to imagine, before, a whole family or even race of people like the Doctor, but come to understand from what small fragments of hints had been dropped, that really they were a race _unlike_ the Doctor, and that that was the problem. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I cannot say my Clan would be over the moon with the idea either.”

The Doctor laughed, and leant against him, and Jamie held him and stroked his hair, and after a little while had passed, dared to lean down and plant a gentle kiss at his temple. 

The Doctor sat up, pulling away a little but still smiling. His eyes were very dark and very soft. “It is all just so very new and strange and wonderful,” he said. “Tell me, is one supposed to feel so, so very _urgent_ , suddenly?”

Jamie laughed, grinning so hard he wondered he didn’t burst half open with joy. He leapt up to his feet and held out his hand. 

“Come with me,” he said, softly, “and I’ll show you all the wonders I can.”

The Doctor reached out to hold onto him, smiling back, looking excited and curious and something else, something that Jamie found more breathtaking than anything in the universe, and really, he’d seen enough of it to be some sort of judge. 

And then the Doctor kissed him, and Jamie’s existence realigned all over again. 

He didn’t mind. He was really starting to get used to it. 

 

 

 


End file.
